


I'll Always Forgive You

by emjellybean



Series: Emotions Are Like Drugs [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Drug Use, M/M, Made up drugs that are for emotions, everything i do is weird, it's weird - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-17
Updated: 2014-11-17
Packaged: 2018-02-25 17:15:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2629859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emjellybean/pseuds/emjellybean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil was born without emotions and has a best friend, Dan, who was born with a full range of them. When Phil finds out about these drugs that will give him the same emotions as his friend, how could he resist?</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Always Forgive You

**Author's Note:**

> Part one of my series that'll have a bunch of pairings. Probably won't make a second phan part, but I might if people really want me to because they wanna know what I think will happen next. ^^  
> Also, tell me if there's any grammar errors and such. Thanks!

Phil has never had emotions. Ever since he was born he couldn’t feel anything. No emotion filled tears or bright smiles. If he did smile, it wasn’t out of happiness, it was all a show. People like him didn’t usually make friends, especially not with each other. Most of the time, the people with emotions became friends with them. For him, he had a best friend, Dan. He wasn’t sure how he felt about Dan, but he was nice to him and seemed to like him, so he stuck around. He was curious, though, what it would be like to be able to feel about Dan what Dan felt towards him.

It was only a few months ago when he first heard of this stuff. They were drugs that came in mostly 30ml bottles. So many ways to get them into your body. Someone told him about it at a bar. The first few ways he’d been told he could take them was with needles or a huge pill and he didn’t think either of those sounded very pleasant. Then, the man took out a tiny bottle. 

“Or I could pour this in your drink. Your first one for free. What do you say?”

Phil was curious, of course he was. That’s what people like him were like. Completely emotionless, but so, so curious. He nodded, the thought of asking what emotion it was not even crossing his mind. When the man put the drug in his drink, he drank. He drank it fast, all in one gulp. 

“That should last you a few hours. People call it the joy bug. Should kick in in a few seconds.”

Phil nodded and waited. Sure enough, the feeling of joy overtook him. He felt so different, but it felt so right. He couldn’t control the smile that came over him and this rush of energy he had all of the sudden. He looked at the people around him, at the man  
who sold him the drug, and could only feel happy. It was the best feeling he’d ever felt. Ever since then, he bought the drugs regularly. He avoided taking too many different ones, though he had tested all of them in a week’s time. The ones he really enjoyed were peace and joy. He’d pour them into his drinks at random times and drink it all. Dan didn’t even notice something was off with him, he probably just thought he was trying to act like people with emotions, which is what he mostly saw around him.

His first experience with peace was strange because he didn’t feel much different at first, no sudden emotions, but then he felt his muscles relax and this small wave of comfort wash over him. He felt completely at ease. That’s when he started getting hooked, right from the start. Of course he had to hide all the tiny bottles he’d buy from Dan. It was hard because they lived together, but Dan couldn’t know about this. It was illegal to have these. He didn’t know where they were made or who made them, but he didn’t really care. They were declared illegal three days after he had his first try. If Dan knew he was using illegal drugs…it would be very bad.

A month into his usage, he was told something by a fellow user. Drinking it didn’t last nearly as long as shooting it up did. He was terrified of the idea of stabbing himself with needles, but when he heard that a small dosage into his vein would last over three times as long, he couldn’t deny it was a good deal.

“Really?” The woman smiled and took out a needle. “Got some left over if you want some, sweetie.”

“What kind is it?”

“Honey, it’s peace. Makes you feel high as fuck.”

Phil’s eyebrows furrowed. He didn’t know what that was supposed to mean, but he knew that peace definitely felt good. He licked his lips. “Yeah, I’ll have it.”

“That’s what I like to hear, but it’ll cost you.”

“What do you want for it? I’ll give you anything.” He wanted, no, needed it. He needed it more than he thought he ever would have. In an instant, he felt her lips on his, moving frantically. Before he could process anything, it was over.

“How about if I give it to you, you meet me outside once you’re done and we can go to my place?”

Phil glanced down at the syringe with blue liquid in it that she still had in her hand, dangerously enough, and then nodded. “Yeah, okay.” When she handed him the needle, he took it. “How do I know if I’m hitting the vein or not?”

She shrugged. “Beats me, but either way, it lasts way longer. Go ahead and try it out.”

He jammed it right in his arm, tried it out just like she said. It was a long night.

Ever since then he started shooting the drugs up instead of drinking them. It cost less, lasted longer, and was much easier to hide from Dan since there was less to hide. It was great.

Two months after that, he wasn’t getting bored, per say, but he did want to try to see if anyone out there could give him a good deal. He went somewhere different that night. Went to someone that people were talking good about. He sold good stuff, apparently. He found him and bought two 30ml bottles. He didn’t ask what it was or what it did. All he was told was that it would give him a thrill ride and that was something he was craving. He went home and straight to his room. He noticed Dan wasn’t home yet. When he closed and locked the door to his room, his phone went off. He checked the message, which was from Dan, and read, “Phil, are you home? We need to talk.” He read aloud. What could Dan possibly want from him?

He threw his phone to the side and sat down on his bed, getting out one of the bottles he’d bought. It was a dark red color. He didn’t know what it could possibly be, but honestly he didn’t care. The only thing these drugs have ever done is made his life happier. There was still a tiny bit of lasting emotions of the one’s he took frequently. He sucked up a random amount into the syringe and took a deep breath before carefully piercing his skin and injecting the liquid. He put the needle down on the table beside him and waited. It took only a few short seconds until it kicked in. Anger. Rage. Hatred. He felt like he could kill someone. Like he needed to.

He heard a door open. “Phil!” Dan called. “Are you home?”

“Over here, Daniel!” He called back, fists clenched into balls, his breathing heavier than normal.

Dan walked into the room. “Phil, I found something that-” He cut himself off. “Are you okay? You don’t look right?” He saw the syringe on the table and his eyes widened. “You didn’t? Before I came home? This is what I wanted to talk to you about! You can’t be using this stuff…” He noticed Phil’s fists clenched, his eyes filled with anger and pure hatred. “Ph-Phil?” He’d never seen him like this before and it scared him to no end.

“Are you trying to tell me what to do? What fucking right do you have!?” He pushed Dan against the wall and held him there, pinning both his arms down, his body pressed to his to keep him there. “Just because you’re nice to me and we share a house doesn’t mean you get to control my life, you understand?”

“Get off of me!” Dan forcefully pushed Phil away from him and realized his mistake too late.

Phil pulled back his fist and released, hitting Dan hard in the side of the face. “Don’t fucking touch me, alright? DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME!” 

“I…I…” He knew this wasn’t Phil talking. It was obviously whatever he took taking effect, but he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to call the cops or try to hurt Phil, but if he didn’t Phil was going to hurt him. He tried to figure out what to do and in the midst of his thoughts, Phil left, nowhere to be found.

-

About fifteen hours later, Phil stumbled through the door. He closed it behind him and looked around. “D-Dan?” He whispered, voice shaky. “Dan!” He called louder, a sob escaping his throat. “I-I need you…” He walked to Dan’s room where he saw him sitting at his desk.

Dan turned around to face Phil and was shocked at what he saw, a crying Phil, bruised, blood all over him. “What happened!?”

“I…I don’t know. I just got so angry after I took that. I didn’t mean to hurt you or anyone else.” Tears streamed down his cheeks. “I-I’m sorry…” He was confused and scared. What he didn’t know was that he was experiencing a major side effect of the drug he took. When it wore off, he felt immense depression and guilt over the people he had hurt. Along with the joy and peace drugs he usually took, it made for a very unpleasant feeling. The feeling of loneliness, panic, fear, and anxiety. 

Dan walked over to Phil and cupped his cheeks. “Phil, tell me exactly what happened? Did you seriously injure anyone?”

“I…” He clenched his eyes shut and shook his head, but not as a response. His body shook violently and he walked backwards toward the wall, sliding down into a sitting position. He covered his ears and kept shaking his head. “I-I’m sorry…they-they’re gonna find me…I’m gonna die…I’m gonna die…”

Dan had no idea what he was talking about, but he knelt down in front of him and pulled him into an embrace. “Everything’s gonna be okay. I don’t know what happened…but we’ll figure this out. I‘m with you through this all. I wont leave you. Okay?”

Phil looked at Dan, eyes wet with tears and he nodded. “Okay…I’m sorry, Dan.” He apologized, his panic calming only very slightly.

“I forgive you.” He pressed a light kiss to his forehead. “I’ll always forgive you.”


End file.
